In the News In her own voice Lawrence woman erases mental illness stigma By Kate Hens Staff Writer Every day, Lawrence resident Carol KivIer lives with the fear that her depression may return. Equally difficult to live with is the stigma surrounding mental illnesses. A member of the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI), Ms. Kivier spends her lengthy periods of remission raising awareness to de-stigmatize mental illness. Ms. Kivler related her own battles with depression and anxiety in the national NAMI program 'In Our Own Voice," designed to let people know what it's like to live with mental illness on Tuesday at NAMI Mercer Family Center in Lawrence. Ms. KivIer was a 40-year-old mother of three healthy kids and a part-time college professor when she was diagnosed with clinical depression more than a decade ago. Ms. Kivler suffers from medication-resistant depression. She had psychotic episodes, was hospitalized four times, and underwent shock treatments. "I fought that," said Ms. Kivler. "My mental model of shock treatment was 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.' But shock treatment jolts the neurotransmitters into firing again. Within my third treatment, my affect changed." Since undergoing treatment and therapy, she has also written two books about depression and runs her own communications business. "The stereotype of mental illness doesn't include periods of recovery," said Ms. Kivler. "But being diagnosed with mental illness is not a death sentence." Ms. Kivler said 25 percent of women and 12 percent of men will experience a depressive episode during their lifetimes. She also discussed how to recognize the five stages involved in dealing with mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress and schizophrenia. The stages are: dark days, acceptance, treatment, coping mechanisms, and success, hopes and dreams, she said. Ms. Kivler described her own experiences with each stage to the audience of about a dozen people. During her "dark days," a reference to periods of acute illness Ms Kivler said she felt rob~ed of"the ability to live. She had constant suicidal thoughts. At times, Ms. KivIer recalled, she would stand in front of a window for hours on end, afraid of what she might do if she moved. "Who could love my children like I did? I thought the best thing to do would be to get in the car with my children drive to the river and drive in,': Ms. Kivler said. The love and support from her husband kept her from acting on her thoughts, and she was hospitalized for over a month, Ms. Kivler said. One woman inquired if Ms. Kivler was ever afraid to get help or treatment because of the stigma surrounding the disease. Ms. Kivler said she didn't tell anyone that she was ill for eight years, but she didn't have much choice about seeking treatment. "When I'm sick I have to be hospitalized," she said. When she was diagnosed, Ms. Kivler believed her prognosis was hopelessness. *Acceptance wasn't easy, she said, Around the time of her diagnosis, the stigma surrounding mental illness was such that a sufferer didn't tell anybody, Ms. Kivier said. "You can't just beat this thing (alone)," said Ms. Kivier. "Society doesn't really understand the illness." Ms. Kivler said she was fortunate to have family and friends determined to celebrate her life when she was well and support her when she was ill. Ms. KivIer stressed that treatment differs among individuals, but for her it includes hospitalization, medication and therapy. "I will do whatever they tell me to stay out of the hospital," said Ms. Kivler. "There's no choice." As a reminder of how she lives her life, Ms. Kivler wears a bracelet with the phrase "one day at a time." Coping mechanisms also differ for each person. For Ms. KivIer, it's important to relax. She has added acupuncture and massage therapy to her treatment. "I like to say I'm a recovering A," she quipped, in reference to her type-A personality. "I'm a human being, not a human doing. I don't need to be doing something. every minute of the day." As for success, hopes and dreams, Ms. Kivler said that those, too, differ depending on where you are in life. After a hospitalization, success for Ms. Kivler would be going to the grocery store by herself. Now she has been in remission for six years, and is currently working on her next book, which will aim to give hope to those living with mental illness. She urged the audience to go out there and break the stigma. "My dream is that some day the world will look at people living with mental illness as courageous survivors who want to be accepted, not rejected," Ms. Kivler said. "Respected, not pitied. And above all, admired, not feared." For more information about NAMI New Jersey, call (732) 940-0991, visit the Web site at www.naminj.org, or write to NAMI New Jersey, 1562 Route 130, North Brunswick, NJ 08902. Carol A. Kivler Courageous Recovery "Changing the face of mental illness" 33 Traditions Way, Suite 101 Lawrence, NJ 08648 (609) 882-8988 carol@CourageousRecovery.com www.CourageousRecovery.com A Division of Kivler Communications www.kivlercommunications.com